Two Buck Chuck

Now that Prince Charles and his weird-hat-wearing wife have finally left town, let's hope that another 146 years pass before another member of this dreadful family graces our fair city. If people are going to behave like brainless sheep, better that they do so about things of far more consequence than some job-shirking human wax figure.

The news articles made much of what was described as Charles' common touch, which really shouldn't haven't been surprising considering just how common Charles is. Here's just one example of the breathless coverage, courtesy of the Inquirer: "A bike officer called out, 'Hey, how you doing?' 'Still alive!' retorted the prince, getting a laugh."

Whoa!! I'm not sure I could survive much more of that British wit. Was that Prince Charles or Noel Coward??

In memory of the FCB Grandparents, here's what I say to Charles and the shamelessly adoring throng who bleated all around him this weekend: I bend my knee to no earthly king.

This Was The Week That Was

Life has been intruding, as it often does, so forgive the blogging gap this past week. There is only one way to make amends: Another FCB Lightening Round!!

• The next time I feel bad about spending too much time surfing the Net, not reading enough, or helping starving children somewhere, I am going to think about Marc Umile. Umile has spent the past two-and-a-half years memorizing the numbers of pi. You know, the 3.14159 thing. I just gave you the first six digits of the value of pi. Umile set a new record by reciting the first 12,887 digits (it took him a bit under four hours). Good for him, I guess, although you would think that someone with a memory like that might recall that hardly anyone needs to know the value of pi after 10th grade geometry exam.
• My jury duty experience might have gone better had I followed this person's example.
• The State of the Union speech is the most boring political event of the year, which is not an easy title to claim. This has nothing to do with President Bush's speech a few days ago. I have always felt that way. It was worse when Bill Clinton was president, since his speeches were longer, so there was many more opportunities for the senators and representatives to interrupt and applaud where they had been told to interrupt and applaud, thus making the speeches even loooooooonger. I will admit that the speech has had one benefit in recent years, however: Anything that keeps the Prince of Darkness in full view of millions of people makes the world a safer place, if only for an hour or so.
• The entry of Bob Brady into the race for mayor of Philadelphia is good news for all those who think everything is going well in our city. Not so good news for the rest of us.
• I guess all the problems around gun violence, taxes, job creation, and city services have been solved. City Council has moved on to the trans fat issue. Enough already. The government has a role in promoting the public health, such as making sure accurate information is provided to consumers about food, nutrition, and exercise. But it should not be dictating to cooks what they can put in their food and to me what I can put in my stomach. They can have my cheese doodle when they pry it from my cold, dead, and orange fingers.

Hillary's In

I think it's great that a woman for the first time is a leading candidate for a presidential nomination. I am so grateful that I live in a country where people can succeed on their merits, instead of one of those countries where all the power is held by just one or two families.

Fly the Leaky Skies

This piece in The New York Times earlier this week is an extreme -- but hardly an uncommon -- example, of just how ridiculous the TSA airport security system has become. For those who cannot access the article, the writer describes how, upon realizing that she may have left her wallet on the plane she had departed about 30 minutes earlier, she walked back to the gate, opened the unlocked jetway door, kept it propped open with her shoe, walked onto the empty and unattended plane, and searched around her seat for her wallet. Of course, the loud, piercing alarm did go off when she opened the jetway door, but it stopped a few minutes later when, the wallet search over, she dutifully closed the door.

My guess is that the people who should have responded to the alarm were busy outside emptying big garbage cans filled with shampoo and nail polish.

I was involved in a less egregious breach last week when I flew from San Diego to Philadelphia. About 20 minutes before my departure time, I checked my ticket to see which seating zone I had been assigned to for boarding purposes. I then realized that my ticket had a name on it that was not mine. It was close, but it clearly wasn't mine. I had showed that ticket and my driver's license to two security people to get through security. As the saying goes, I guess it was close enough for government work.

Street Cred

This article shows why John Street has been such a poor mayor. He dismissively knocks Michael Nutter for offering ideas to reduce gun violence and the crime rate in Philadelphia, saying the problem is more complicated than Nutter suggests. Gee, thanks for the insight, Mayor.

The issue is not whether Nutter or any of the other candidates to succeed Street are seeking a campaign edge by touting solutions that sound good but may not work. It's that Street never, ever shows the slightest leadership, on public safety or any other issue (city finances? tax structure? Center City development? effectiveness of City services?).

I'm not talking about the phony swagger, flight jacket, "Mission Accomplished"-type of faux leadership we have had coming out of Washington in recent years. What I am talking about is, as St. Joe's political analyst Randall Miller says in the article, "seize[ing] the bully pulpit of office to articulate a consistent, strong message," ensuring that the specific measures employed effectively further that message, and accepting responsibility when things go poorly, as they so obviously have in this City on the issues of violence and crime.

But you also get the credit when things go right, which they are more likely to do if you know what you are doing. Obviously, Street learned nothing from watching Ed Rendell all those years. And we City residents have paid dearly for that failure.

It's Come to This

Let me see if I have this straight: Your teenage daughter spends enough time on a web site that she forms a relationship with an adult, your daughter and the adult later meet, and the adult sexually abuses your daughter. And it is the fault of the web site???

Here are a few wacky ideas for parents like these who are so eager to blame others for the terrible things that happen to their kids who go online: Put your daughter's computer in the living room. Tell her that you will -- whenever you want because you paid for the computer and for the living room and for the entire bleeping house -- look over her shoulder at random moments, check the web sites where she has been, and maybe even look at some of her e-mail correspondence. Turn off the computer for entire days, unannounced and at random, but no fewer than two days a week. Make sure that for every hour online she reads a book for one hour.

Then you can sue websites.

I Pity the Fool

I haven't mentioned the Prince of Darkness for a while. So here is Big Tent Democrat of Talk Left sticking it to him.

Rest assured that posts like this, unlike the Iraqi insurgency, are not in their last throes.

Oh, Wilber

Something I've always thought has now been confirmed: If I were a horse, I would win the Kentucky Derby.

Update

About a year ago, early in this blog's slow, steady march toward a double-digit readership, I made these comments (see second-to-last item) criticizing a Maryland law, aimed at Wal-Mart, that required large employers to spend at least eight percent of their payroll on health insurance benefits.

Yesterday, a federal appellate court upheld a lower court ruling throwing out the law. Good. The best intentions don't justify a dopey law and bad health care policy.

I'm Sorry, So Sorry, Maybe

Charles Stimson says he's sorry -- sort of. Stimson, who was criticized by me and every other person who believes in the rule of law, now says his suggestion that law firms be shunned by their clients because of the firms' representation of prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay does not represent his "core beliefs."

I would have preferred something along the lines of "I'm sorry that I ever said something so stupid, shameful, and un-American in an attempt to prevent lawyers from providing the type of assistance that I would immediately seek if the full power of the United States government were brought against me." So whatever Stimson's "core beliefs," it is very scary that someone who would say what he did has a position in our government.

Closet Leftist?

I'm posting tonight from FCB's central Pennsylvania office in Harrisburg. This has been a hopping town of late, with the annual Farm Show last week and then the second Rendell inaugural.

Governor Rendell has made health care reform the priority issue for his second term. I might feel better about his chances to pull that off if he hadn't messed up the simple act of taking the oath of office. You're supposed to raise your right hand, Ed.

Love Stinks

This just in: The gap between Michael Strahan's front teeth is not the only empty space in the Giant star's head.

Strahan, who last week was ordered to pay his ex-wife (they married in 1999 and have two kids) more than $15 million, had a pre-nuptial agreement in which he agreed to pay 50 percent of the marital assets plus 20 percent of his yearly earnings. Or, to put it in less legal terms, about 15 million freaking dollars.

Uh, dude, listen carefully. The point of a pre-nup is to ensure that you don't pay your ex-wife half of your assets, not to guarantee that you will be the punchline at every convention of matrimonial lawyers for the next 20 years. You might want to remember that the next time.

And as this discussion of Strahan's misfortune points out, the lawyers he hired were more Eli than Peyton (FCB Shoutout: The Big Lead). The good news is that he only will have to keep playing until he is 50 in order to earn the money back.

People Are Watching

The graceless behavior of LaDainian Tomlinson after San Diego's loss to New England on Sunday was disturbing, but not because, as most reported, the usually classy Tomlinson applied the first tarnish to his golden image.

No, what bothered me was how much Tomlinson's "don't disrespect us in our house" rhetoric sounded so much like what you read in news articles describing some senseless act of violence in Philadelphia or another city that usually ends up with one young person dead and another incarcerated for decades. SI's Peter King heard it too (see second page).

Maybe some of the Patriot players did act like jerks. But Tomlinson has to understand that there are people out there who keep track of more than his statistics.

I Have Here in My Hand a List...

Pentagon officials and others in the Bush Administration can try to distance themselves all they want from the shameful and, yes, un-American comments made the other day by Charles Stimson, the deputy assistant secretary of defense for detainee affairs, who suggested that businesses not employ law firms representing those held at the Guantanamo prison.

But they reap what they sow, and so however depressing and despicable Stimson's statements are, they are hardly surprising from someone working for a President who has long signaled that constitutional and other legal protections are inconveniences to be ignored or, at the least, explained away in the name of "national security." That's why it is not enough that alleged terrorists from other countries are held at Guantanamo without charges or any meaningful opportunity to prove that our government may be wrong. Or that Jose Padilla (are there others?) is kept in psychosis-inducing isolation for years while government lawyers advance the stunning claim that a president can simply decree that an American citizen may not receive the due process guaranteed by our Constitution. No, having lost on its recent claims for absolute power, this Administration has to try to scare off the lawyers with the ability, commitment, and means to help those whom Stimson and his ilk would prefer that we forget.

Fortunately, it won't work. As Talk Left reminds us by re-printing these thoughts by and about John Adams, these are not new attacks. And so Mr. Stimson can take comfort in knowing that, no matter what he gets charged with, there will be a lawyer willing to take his case.

Bore Me Like Beckham

I guess it's that time again. Every few years or so, someone decides to throw a bunch of money at a world soccer star on the downside of his career and then trumpets the bad investment as the dawn of a new era, when soccer really takes off as a sport people in the U.S. are interested in watching.

So, it is with this week's news that David Beckham will begin playing for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry, drifted off there. He'll be playing for the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer. What, Maradona wasn't available?

There are already lots of people in this country interested in watching soccer. The problem Beckham and the MLS bankrollers face is that nearly all of these people are only interested in watching games involving their own children. And then those children grow up and start watching football -- American football. So it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be.

Beginning of the End

The decision by Durham District Attorney Michael Nifong to withdraw from the Duke lacrosse case means that this train wreck of a prosecution has moved toward its end game. Now that Nifong has lawyered up on the ethics charges brought against him, he is heeding his counsel's obvious advice to stop digging in that hole he has been working out of for the past few months.

It's not too hard to see what happens now: Pre-trial proceedings, including a hearing now scheduled for February 5, will be delayed while the special prosecutor the North Carolina Attorney General's Office appoints to handle the case gets up to speed. Once that happens, the remaining charges will be dropped against the defendants, with the new prosecutor explaining that, while he or she cannot be sure what happened during the night in question, there is simply not enough credible evidence to justify moving forward with the case.

Then the defendants will file civil lawsuits against Nifong and his office. Although Nifong has behaved like a buffoon, a civil case will be very difficult to win given the wide discretion DAs have to bring (or not bring) charges and the problems that would arise if persons facing charges that are then dropped or who are exonerated are free to bring such suits.

And let's not forget that it really isn't that hard to avoid being indicted on sexual assault charges. Lots of us manage to pull that off. High on the list of indictment avoidance tips is to not attend parties with lots of alcohol, 40 or so men, and no women except for strippers one of your pals has hired.

Go East, Middle-Aged Man

Today is my last full day in San Diego, so most of tomorrow will be spent traveling back to FCB World Headquarters.

Among its many charms, San Diego has big, bright red trolley cars, and people using them apparently pay their fares based on an honor system. None of the stations I have used on this and prior visits here has gates or turnstiles. They are open to all, with machines present to dispense tickets. But no trip I have been on has ever had anyone checking for tickets, although information posted on the machines warns of receiving a citation for riding without one. I don't know how much that citation will cost you or how frequently they are doled out. All I know is that I dutifully paid each time, so I guess whatever deterrent effect exists is effective, at least for cynical Right Coasters.

And it's been interesting reading about Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has spent the last few days acting like he's FDR. First, he proposed a plan to provide all Californians, including illegal immigrants, with health insurance. Then he issued an executive order designed to reduce auto emissions by 10 percent and promote demand for alternative fuels. The Big Guy is taking on the health care and petroleum industries. Not bad for one week.

Hasta la vista, baby.

What????

The New York Football Giants have become the Home Depot of the NFL by rewarding Tom Coughlin's mediocre coaching job with a one-year contract extension. What has Coughlin ever done in his coaching career to lead one to think that he is the guy to take the Giants to the next level? It's just not going to happen with him. Big, big mistake.

More Obits

There are two great obituaries in The New York Times today.

The first is for Jane Bolin, who died on January 8 at the age of 98. In 1939, New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia made Ms. Bolin the first African-American woman judge in the United States. She was also the first black woman to graduate from Yale Law School, to join the New York City Bar Association, and to be hired by the New York City legal department. From the obit:

At Yale, Ms. Bolin was one of three women in her class and the only black woman. In an interview with The New York Times in 1993, she said that a few Southerners at the law school had taken pleasure in letting the swinging classroom doors hit her in the face. One of those Southerners later became active in the American Bar Association and invited her to speak before his bar group in Texas. She declined.

Even today, in 2007, women attorneys and African-American attorneys sometimes face considerable obstacles to professional success. It is difficult to imagine the amount of fortitude that must have been necessary for Judge Bolin to succeed.

Rut ro. Iwao Takamoto, the creator of Scooby-Doo, has died at age 81. Mr. Takamoto, who worked for both Disney and Hanna-Barbera, also is credited with creating Penelope Pitstop; Astro, the Jetsons' dog ("right, Rorge!"); and Atom Ant, from the underrated "Secret Squirrel Show." The obit explains that, after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Mr. Takamoto and his family were sent to an internment camp, where the teenage Iwao learned sketching and animation techniques from two other internees who had been art directors at movie studios.

May they both rest in peace.

They'll Be Talking About That One

Are you kidding me? Ohio State coach Jim Tressel just went for it on fourth and one at his own 29-yard line. His own 29-yard line. He didn't make it, and Florida just scored again to go up 34-14 at halftime.

He's Almost As Good as Larry Bird

I have one of these in my office. Mine is a Hook Shot Jesus, with the original Dr. J lording (get it?) his divine skills over a pair of 8-year-olds. Unfortunately, they don't seem to have it on their web site any more, not there isn't lots of good stuff to see (I particularly like Jesus doing his Stan Mikita impression).

They Might Be Giants

What a loser Tom Coughlin, the coach of the New York Football Giants, is. It's not enough that he moans and whines and grimaces on every play, managed to coach his team to seven losses in its last nine games to finish with a losing record for the season, talked about the importance of team discipline while all around him hockey games were breaking out, and demonstrated less-than-Churchillian leadership by throwing his offensive coordinator under the bus late in the season.

Now he's become delusional. Did you hear him talking after yesterday's loss to the Eagles about how there were some positives in this train wreck of a season? "I think they demonstrated a great concept of team this year," Coughlin said. What????

The Giants have to get rid of this guy. And then, after they hire a new general manager to replace the retiring Ernie Accorsi, they have to do a serious evaluation of Eli Manning. He just does not have what it takes to make a team a winner. He is simply mediocre by NFL standards. He will not take the Giants where they want to go, and the sooner they recognize it, the better.

If I Were King of the Forest

A five-and-a-half-hour flight, after sitting on the runway for an hour (let's play guess the airline!) gives one plenty of time to figure out all that is wrong with the world, or at least air travel. I used to think that when I ruled the world (don't worry, I'll let you know) my first official act would be to banish all children from air travel. But I have been blessed to avoid children on most of my recent flights, so I have moved on to a much more pernicious development: People bringing suitcases on to airplanes.

Why can't airlines make people check their luggage? I am not talking about small bags that you can sling on your shoulder, like notebook computer bags, knapsacks, or even those humongous bags women carry and call "purses." No, these are suitcases, so heavily packed that people wheel them on to the plane, can barely fit them in the aisle, need assistance to get them into the overhead compartments, and give those Samsonite gorillas hernias.

Today, I happened to look up just in time to see a woman get someone to put her "carry-on" in the overhead compartment after removing my jacket and dropping it on the seat two rows ahead of me. She just dropped it there without trying to find out to whom it belonged, and she contentedly took her seat without bothering to put it back. When I told her that I didn't appreciate her simply discarding my jacket or having her bag-o-bricks dropped on top of much smaller bag, which included my new notebook computer, she said... Well, I don't know what she said because she responded in a language with which I am not familiar. Like that's my fault, but that's a subject for another day.

So, I go back to my original question: Why don't airlines make people check their luggage? I know people don't like to wait for their luggage, especially in Philadelphia, where you are more likely to see Elvis sitting on the baggage claim belt within 30 minutes than any of your items. But, still, it is ridiculous to see what people are bringing on to planes now. And even more ridiculous that airlines, which seem to have no problem treating passengers as if they are Soviet-era refugees when it comes to other amenities, won't enforce their own rules when it comes to this.

Gators' Turn

Guess the layoff didn't hurt Florida either. They just marched down the field and scored in seven plays. 7-7, and not even five minutes have elapsed.

Not Like They Scripted It

I wasn't planning to live blog the Ohio State-Florida game, but Ted Ginn, Jr. just ran the opening kickoff back for a touchdown. I was going to write about how the seven-week layoff was stupid, but that doesn't seem like such a good idea now.

The Ocean's on the Left

The FCB Over America Tour continues as I spend a few days in FCB's West Coast office in San Diego, where it has been a sunny 72-degree day. You know, like Philadelphia.

Those Were The Days

It's hard to disagree with President Bush -- dignified hangings are so much nicer.

Bring It On, Rudy

Talk Left shares my intense dislike of all things Rudy Giuliani, who, as I am not the first to note, somehow gets people to pay him millions for advice about security yet can't keep track of his own campaign documents.

I hope he does run for President so that he can get the scrutiny and the ripping he so truly deserves. I have never understood why people are so impressed with Giuliani's actions related to 9/11. Anyone who was mayor of New York City that day and in the weeks thereafter would have done just what he did. Maybe someone can explain to me how simply being the mayor of a city that is the target of a horrific terrorist attack qualifies one to be a "security consultant." And he has such a sharp eye for talent that he made the thuggish Bernard Kerik the police commissioner and then his business partner and preferred choice for Secretary of Homeland Security before, of course, Kerik's various problems (to put it politely) caught up with him.

It is a testament to the sheep-like quality of so many ("Oh, Rudy, tell me more...") and to Giuliani's limitless ego that he has gotten so rich so fast. He is just appalling in every way.

Huh to the Chief

Chief Justice John Roberts thinks the salaries paid to federal judges are too low, so low, in fact, that the situation presents a "constitutional crisis." You know, like Watergate and the Civil War. Didn't you get the memo?

As you can tell, I have no patience for this tale of woe, so painfully told by those making $165,200 (district judges); $175,100 (appellate judges); $203,000 (Supreme Court associate justices); and $212,000 (the Chief Justice) who have life tenure, nice offices, law clerks, and the juice to have lawyers jump up every time they enter a room.

There are lots of problems with the argument the Chief Justice makes, and a number of people have been quick to point them out (here and here, for example). The Chief Justice trots out the overused and meaningless comparison of judicial salaries to those paid to young associates in the largest law firms and professors and deans at elite law schools. If a lawyer made such an argument in a case before the Chief Justice and his colleagues, they would have him for lunch. Why is it a surprise -- or even a problem -- that top jobs in the private sector pay better than top jobs in the government? And why is it a crisis -- constitutional or otherwise -- if some judges choose to leave the bench to pursue other, more lucrative positions? Good for them, but there are lots and lots of highly qualified lawyers to take the place of every federal judge now serving.

What the Chief Justice does not mention is that he is Exhibit A for the "it's not about the money" argument. In his late 40s, with two small children, John Roberts gave up a law firm partnership that paid him several times what he makes as a federal judge. Obviously, he saw some non-monetary attractions in his new job. And, like every one of his fellow judges, he made the choice he did fully cognizant of its economic impact.

To be sure, it is a mistake to link judicial salaries to congressional salaries, as the law now requires, since the former stagnate when representatives and senators are afraid to raise their own pay. Judges deserve reasonable and regular cost-of-living increases, and it might make sense to have geographic adjustments so that a judge in Manhattan, New York makes a bit more than a judge in Manhattan, Kansas. The current system could be better, but the Chief Justice should stop with the sky-is-falling rhetoric he would be so quick to dismiss if used by others.

Better Living Through Chemistry

Funerals force one to confront many of life's mysteries, and the service for President Ford today was no exception. Although many attendees or those watching on television likely were pondering such vexing matters as the afterlife and the fate of one's eternal soul, I was focused on a deeper enigma: Why don't Betty Ford, Nancy Reagan, and Rosalynn Carter, with a combined age of 252, have any gray hair?

Wouldn't Be Prudent

In his eulogy of President Ford today, President Bush cited the 38th president's commitment to civil rights, discussing Ford's offer to sit out a Michigan-Georgia Tech football game because Georgia Tech was refusing to play if an African-American Michigan player took the field. President Bush went on to praise Ford's vote in favor of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which made illegal discrimination on the basis of race in employment and access to public accommodations, such as hotels and restaurants.

There was no such legislative profile in courage in Bush's own family, however. While running for Congress in 1964, George H.W. Bush, the future 41st president, opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But let's not talk about it. They certainly don't.

An Edsel, Perhaps

Christopher Hitchens, as he so often does, offers a somewhat different take on the Ford Administration.

Fly Away Home

Now that I have returned from Chicago to FCB World Headquarters in Philadelphia, it's time to do something one usually has no reason to do: praise an airline.

I had never flown on Southwest Airlines before this trip to Chicago, and I have to say that I was very impressed. I'm sure people have their share of horror stories about Southwest, but, despite traveling during what is invariably described as "the busy holiday season," all went wonderfully smoothly. What was most obvious to me, as someone who for years often has had little choice but to fly on US Airways, is that the Southwest employees actually seem to know what they were supposed to be doing.

When we arrived at Midway Airport this morning at about 8:15, the place was already filled with travelers. The line to check bags at the Southwest counter was the longest I have ever seen: In addition to the long, snaking line in front of the counter, the queue extended out of the terminal and down a hallway. But that wasn't the end of the line. Those seeking to get on the line were then guided out the building and into a parking lot and asked to walk about a quarter of a mile to the other side of the terminal. We re-entered the building and found the end of the line, which ultimately worked its way down two long hallways used for airline offices clearly not intended to be open to the public, past two different sets of restrooms (which made the expression "bowels of the building" even more apt), and then back into the terminal. I figured we would be in that line for at least an hour.

It only took 20 minutes. Why? First, because Southwest had lots of people working the counter, tagging the bags for those who used the kiosks to check in, and dealing with all the usual problems. All the stations were being used. Second, Southwest had employees at key places in the line, directing people to the right place to just get into the line (no small feat), letting people know how much longer it would be, and making sure that when you got to the head of the line you were sent to the first open station. Everyone was on the move, both passengers and employees. It was amazing.

The plane boarded and then departed right on schedule. The tail winds were so strong that we landed in Philadelphia 30 minutes early. The crew decided to take their equivalent of a victory lap, making sure to point out more than once just how early the plane had arrived. "Be sure to tell your friends we arrived so early," one flight attendant said to the passengers, "because if the plane had been 30 minutes late, you know you would have told them about that." Touche.

And, in the most un-US Airways touch of all, the bags were on the belt in about 10 minutes!! I gathered them up and immediately went off to buy a lottery ticket, praying that my luck would hold up for just a few more minutes.

Everyone Feel Better Now?

On December 30, Saddam Hussein was executed.

On December 31, the 3,000th American died as part of the Iraq war.

Happy New Year!

FCB wishes all of its readers -- all right, both of them -- a happy and healthy 2007.