King for a Day
I was watching the World Cup final today, and a hockey game broke out.
Actually, I enjoyed watching the France-Italy match today, but I still think the game could be even better. So, I am appointing myself Soccer/Football Grand Poobah for a Day, presented by Adidas. Here are my first new rules:
1. No more deciding games by penalty kicks. That's the best way the people running this sport have come up with to pick a world champion after 120 minutes in the final of a once-every-four-years tournament? One problem with penalty kicks is that the goalies are mostly irrelevant -- did you notice that neither of the goalies today so much as came close to stopping one of the penalty kicks? The one shot the French missed just banged off the cross bar while the goalie was diving in the opposite direction, something they both seemed to do on most of the shots. If how well a goalie guesses is a factor in the outcome, it is not a good way to decide the game. You might as well cover the goal with cardboard and leave a circle for the shooters to kick through, like some sort of carnival game. No, the way to pick a winner is to (gasp!) just keep playing until somebody scores. It could take a while, sure, but eventually someone will just keel over, have to go to the bathroom, head-butt someone to death, or something. Then, the other side will score, and it will be a much more legitimate victory.
2. No more of the incessant flopping, flailing of arms, looks of stunned disbelief at the call or the no-call, and general cry-wolfing that occurred repeatedly today and in the other games I have seen during the past month. Enough with the rolling around on the ground with the Munch-like expression, all the while peeking to see if the referee is near enough to catch the performance. Did you notice that the teams even have people bring out a stretcher every time a trainer goes out on the field to check on someone? They used fewer stretchers when these two countries met in World War II. Time to suck it up, boys.
That's enough for now. Be sure to catch some more of my new rules when FCB next posts about soccer -- in 2010.
Actually, I enjoyed watching the France-Italy match today, but I still think the game could be even better. So, I am appointing myself Soccer/Football Grand Poobah for a Day, presented by Adidas. Here are my first new rules:
1. No more deciding games by penalty kicks. That's the best way the people running this sport have come up with to pick a world champion after 120 minutes in the final of a once-every-four-years tournament? One problem with penalty kicks is that the goalies are mostly irrelevant -- did you notice that neither of the goalies today so much as came close to stopping one of the penalty kicks? The one shot the French missed just banged off the cross bar while the goalie was diving in the opposite direction, something they both seemed to do on most of the shots. If how well a goalie guesses is a factor in the outcome, it is not a good way to decide the game. You might as well cover the goal with cardboard and leave a circle for the shooters to kick through, like some sort of carnival game. No, the way to pick a winner is to (gasp!) just keep playing until somebody scores. It could take a while, sure, but eventually someone will just keel over, have to go to the bathroom, head-butt someone to death, or something. Then, the other side will score, and it will be a much more legitimate victory.
2. No more of the incessant flopping, flailing of arms, looks of stunned disbelief at the call or the no-call, and general cry-wolfing that occurred repeatedly today and in the other games I have seen during the past month. Enough with the rolling around on the ground with the Munch-like expression, all the while peeking to see if the referee is near enough to catch the performance. Did you notice that the teams even have people bring out a stretcher every time a trainer goes out on the field to check on someone? They used fewer stretchers when these two countries met in World War II. Time to suck it up, boys.
That's enough for now. Be sure to catch some more of my new rules when FCB next posts about soccer -- in 2010.
posted by FCB at 7:28 PM
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